-September 17, 2016-

In my lifetime, I have had the opportunity of meeting and engaging with amazing men (some of whom I still talk to and hold a friendship with and others…well, let’s not go there). I am also the type of girl who believes that you cannot fall in-love with just one person. People come and go but you still love after. Currently, and for the past 6 months, I have undertaken to cleanse myself and be single for quite some time but while with my exes, I fell in-love with each one. Deeply and passionately. Whether in a relationship, situationship or fling. I fell for each one of their personalities, smiles, laughs, witty remarks and much more but before you start to think that I am about to rant on my love life, this article ain’t it.

My decision to be alone began the second I decided to fall in-love with myself and after a tad too many heartbreaks. I was addicted to filling my space with other individuals. Mentally, physically, emotionally packed and consumed to make others happy so that they could accept and love me. It is so ridiculous that I found myself in the most uncomfortable situations. From once falling in-love with a girl or so I thought (mummy do not freak out; I only love men) to being in about two polygamous relationships but those are stories I shall share with you later on in my love story.

As my journey progressed from March 1 st , 2016…I realised that falling in-love with oneself was a broken record that played all around the world. In addition, it was not a ‘why’ that could reassure me given my long-time battle with depression and self-love. One thing is for sure, it was not easy. As a matter of fact, I found myself weeping and grieving for a whole month. It could have been that I missed my last situationship or that I plain-right despised loneliness. However, in that empty space I discovered my love of the present and future. The past held its cup of sewage and sweets yet here I was reaching out for the clouds, the galaxies and all the beauty in the unknown.

Sharon began to fall in-love with everything apart from a man. At the beginning of March, I moved out of my parents’ nest and into my own cave. I love and continue to love the earthy tones that set my décor. I fell in-love with my empty white walls (that I still cannot decide on whether to paint or hang artwork on; might mix). It is also during this phase that I began to obsess over and intently craft projects that I wanted to bring to life. Ideas I had set aside for my individual loves that could be birthed forth. My ‘baby brother’, Joe, says I am a workaholic but I believe that I have fallen in-love with my work. I love reading everything too and many articles on marriages say that the spark will definitely wither away but you can also fall in-love with your partner again. That my dear friends, is another lesson I learnt. I get bored easily with both people and things and that is why I could not commit to just loving myself.

I needed to entertain and re-invent myself in every opportunity I got. From having blue hair to cutting my mane to launching my website to mentoring. I fell hard for every stage of my existence. Whether it lasted weeks or three months or if it will run into 2017, I deliberately choose to chase and live my dreams because for anything to last, you have to love it unconditionally and commit to it fully. In the worst of times to the best of it.

So, when that special someone walks into or back into my life (because I still look forward to falling in-love with a man), I shall love him with all my bone and marrow because that’s how truly deep my love is. I should also mention that I am content with never finding this man as I realise more and more every day that I can choose to fall in-love with anything I want.

Mad love as always,

Sharon Kate Ng’ang’a.

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